Potty training refusal: why your kid says “no”
Are you are feeling stuck in potty training because every request is met with a "no" ? You’re not alone. I’ve helped hundreds of families navigate through this, and the secret is to understand what motivates your child to use the potty. These are often tied to your child's developmental needs, as well as their underlying anxieties. In this article I address some of these points — I have outlined my top tips to overcoming refusal here.
What is potty training refusal?
Potty refusal is any situation in which your child is refusing to try to sit on the potty. It can present itself through a constant power struggle between you and your child, what seems like “intentional accidents,” or you may be getting full explosive meltdowns when it comes to sitting on the potty.
Why does my child say no?
Potty training refusal usually happens for one of three reasons.
Natural desire for autonomy, control, and independence. This is a natural part of your toddler’s development. When your little one resists using the potty, it often has little to do with their actual need and more with their desire to control their own body. This is good news — they’re learning about themselves, and they will need your help them through this phase of development. Embrace this as an opportunity to grow together.
Inability to gauge how full or empty their bladder is. They either have to go NOW ….or don’t feel like they have to go. So when you ask them “do you have to go potty?” and they say “no”…it is likely because they don’t feel the need to go yet!
Fear and anxiety around potty training. This can be quite common, but with a wide array of reasons. This includes: using a potty feels different, the position is unfamiliar, they’re afraid to have a painful bowel movement, or they may be sensitive to the smell. If you think your child may be refusing the potty because of a fear or anxiety, understanding this fear is the first step in helping them overcome it (more details in my eBook).
In conclusion
Don’t get caught up in a power struggle, instead try to understand what’s the blocker for your child. Understanding the reasons why will enable you to support them with the most appropriate solution and empower them in their potty training journey.
I’ve also written an article if you’re interested in practical steps to overcome potty training refusal, and be sure to check out my Instagram where I regularly post video content around potty training. As always, I hope this helps, and if you’re ready to work together don’t hesitate to schedule a call.